PHILADELPHIA (RT) -- The Toronto Raptors opened the post Chuck-Swirsky era with a comfortable 95-84 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.
After the game, Raptors forward Chris Bosh, who led the way for Toronto with 27 points and 11 rebounds, dedicated the season-opening win to Swirsky (pictured left), the team's long-time TV announcer who was deported to Chicago this past summer.
"I heard they don't have salami or cheese down there in Chicago," Bosh could be heard telling longtime Swirsky confidante Leo Rautins after the game. "So here, Chuck, here's some salami to remind you of the good times," Bosh continued as he produced his penis from underneath his shorts.
"You're not even wearing underwear," Rautins shouted with glee.
While Bosh shouldered much of the scoring tonight, Jason Kapono played like he had a big dick too. Kapono finished with 15 points on 6-of-8 shooting, including 3-for-4 from three-point territory and hit two key three-pointers down the stretch.
"I wanted to see how fast the fat people in the stands could move, so I just started hitting three-pointers," Kapono said. "Sure enough, a few go down and they were waddling towards the exits, I guess a few of them had tickets to the ball game next door."
Likely. Everyone with a ticket to tonight's resumption of Game 5 of the World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays got into the 76ers season-opener for half price. There were many Phillies hats and jersey dotting the Wachovia Center, and at halftime a live stingray was mutilated by arena staff at centre court.
When asked who he wanted to win the World Series, Kapono stated:
"Well, everything about Florida is pretty much fucked, so I'm kind of pulling for them, like a pity thing. Like when a really good looking girl will let you look up her skirt at the bus stop, cause she feels sorry for you. And it's Devil Rays, not Rays. That's like taking the Christ out of Christmas if you ask me."
Bargnani, who is on thin ice, went scoreless in 20 minutes of action.
"I'm not very good," he admitted after the game.
Jose Calderon had 13 points and 7 assists, while Jermaine O'Neal had a solid Raptors debut with 17 points and 8 rebounds.
Toronto led by as many as 14 in the second half and maintained a steady lead throughout most of the 4th quarter.
The Raptors return home for Friday's home-opener against the Golden State Warriors, where the flag of California will be burned between each quarter. The Raptors announced last week that various state flags of visiting teams will be destroyed from time to time in public displays of aggression.
"They want to appear more anti-American," an unidentified front-office source told Raptorstruth.com on the condition anonymity. "Week by week, more provocative acts of anti-Americanism will be seen, the intention is to have it culminate around playoff time ... the NBA head office is not too pleased."
NOTES: Kapono was issued a technical foul in the third quarter after letting Raptors coach Sam Mitchell sniff his fingers after he hit a three-pointer. ...The Phillies defeated the Rays 4-3 to win the World Series 4-1. ...Republican presidential nominee John McCain, with six days to go before the election, still can't lift his arms above his shoulders.
END DISPATCH
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