TOO SHIT FOR TV: Raps Horrorshow Gassed by CRTC

GATINEAU, Que. (RT) -- While the Raptors took on the Cavaliers in Cleveland, viewers across Canada had their TV coverage of the game temporarily interrupted after a secret CRTC tribunal temporarily shut the broadcast down.

Canadian television regulators halted TSN's coverage of Tuesday's game between the Raptors and Cavaliers midway through the first quarter. The CRTC had ruled shortly after the tip-off, with Toronto trailing by 15 only seven minutes into the game, that the Raptors' abysmal play of late has deteriorated to the point of being too offensive to show on TV.

The shut down, however, only lasted until the second quarter after the Raptors obtained a stay of the CRTC's order pending judicial review to the Federal Court of Appeal.

The Raptors (8-11) have lost four games in a row and their horrendous play of late led to the firing of head coach Sam Mitchell as well as calls from disgruntled fans for under-achieving former star Chris Bosh to be shipped out of town.

"The Raptors have reached a point where the skill of the team, the quality of their decisions and the outcome of their matches truly shocks the Canadian conscience," CRTC chair Konrad W. von Finckenstein wrote in a 4-page decision released following a secret CRTC tribunal at the organization's Gatineau, Que., compound . "Turnovers, scandalous defence and a sheer lack of effort -- any reasonable person would be offended by such disgraceful conduct."

Raptors lawyers were barred from attending the tribunal and denied access to the evidence admitted against the Raptors during the hearing.

"There's no doubt our standard of play has regressed recently," Raptors GM Brian Colangelo said in a statement released by the team. "I don't agree with the CRTC's decision, however, and we intend to vigorously defend our right to play as poorly as possible and allow our fans to feel the life being sucked out of whatever hope they had for an exciting season."

CRTC Boss von Finchenstein rendering decision

Colangelo also noted that you can watch two guys suck the shit out of each other's asses on Friday nights around 11 p.m. on Showcase, so it didn't make sense to him to hold sports broadcasts to "higher standard" than traditional programming.

"Sucking ass, tonging ass, men dressing up as women, people that dress in leather and get whipped with chains, now that's offensive," a visibly aroused Colangelo told Raptorstruth.com during halftime of Tuesday's game. "There was this one time I saw a man in a diaper getting pissed on by this 400-pound woman. I mean come on, this is just basketball."

The CRTC typically takes months, even years, to investigate allegations of offensive programming, raising eyebrows at the blinding speed the usually lethargic telecommunications regulator moved at to shut down Raptors broadcasts.

"The message has been sent," a CRTC commissioner told Raptorstruth.com on the condition of anonymity. "The Raptors basically wiggled their dicks in front of the CRTC and said, 'here, go fuck yourself.' Well, you could say the CRTC bit them in the dick and said 'this shit is not fit for TV you jerk offs.'"