Game #2: Raps beat Warriors in OT, tops in East

TORONTO (RT) At 9:52 p.m. on October 31, 2008 the Toronto Raptors defeated the Golden State Warriors 112-108 in overtime to move into first place in the NBA's Eastern Conference.

Chris Bosh led the way with 31 points and 9 rebounds for Toronto, which moved one step closer to securing its first conference title in franchise history. Bosh was dominant at both ends of the floor down the stretch in the fourth and into overtime.

"We're so close we can taste it," Bosh told reporters gathered around his locker. "It's like the taste in my bones for white women."

The Raptors (2-0) scored the first eight points of overtime, and never really let the Warriors get close the rest of the way.

Many of the 19,800 fans in attendance at the sold out Air Canada Centre were decked out in their Halloween best. One man paid homage to Leo Rautins, a former NBA legend and current Raptors TV analyst. The visibly intoxicated 20-something had a replica Rautins jersey from the national treasure's days with the Philadelphia 76ers in the 80s. The sentiment was appreciated by Reautins, who also coaches the Canadian men's basketball team.

"It's great to be remembered by the fans after all these years," he said while standing up to acknowledge the crowd when his likeness was displayed on arena TVs. "I''m honoured The fans in Canada have always been amazing, I hope Chuck was watching. Wherever he is. Whatever he's doing. Whoever he's loving."

Rautins was referring to longtime friend and former Raptors TV play-by-play great Chuck Swirsky, who returned to Chicago in the summer and is calling Chicago Bulls games for a college radio station.

Andrea Bargnani, who went scoreless in Toronto's season-opening win against Philadelphia, had 19 points and 3 blocks in 30 inspired minutes off the bench. The No. 1 overall pick in the 2006 draft gained a lot of weight in the summer. He appears more ogre-like this season, particularly in the face. He appeared crazed at times, but was effective on both ends of the court. The seven-foot Italian says he wants to live up to his new nickname - Berzerker.

"You know this is a new season, and last season was not so good for me," he said. "But now I hear the fans say Berzerker I have inspiration to, you know, get crazed to be crazy to be the Berzerker to get the rebound, grab the ball. Be crazy."

Tony Parker added 23 points for the Raptors, while Jermaine O'Neal had 17. Jose Calderon scored 16, with 13 assists.

Toronto is in Milwaukee tomorrow to take on the Bucks (1-1) in their first match-up this season against former Raptor Charlie Villenueva who was traded for T.J. Ford at the end of the 2006-07 campaign.

Game 1: Toronto 95 Philadelphia 84

PHILADELPHIA (RT) -- The Toronto Raptors opened the post Chuck-Swirsky era with a comfortable 95-84 win over the Philadelphia 76ers.

After the game, Raptors forward Chris Bosh, who led the way for Toronto with 27 points and 11 rebounds, dedicated the season-opening win to Swirsky (pictured left), the team's long-time TV announcer who was deported to Chicago this past summer.

"I heard they don't have salami or cheese down there in Chicago," Bosh could be heard telling longtime Swirsky confidante Leo Rautins after the game. "So here, Chuck, here's some salami to remind you of the good times," Bosh continued as he produced his penis from underneath his shorts.

"You're not even wearing underwear," Rautins shouted with glee.

While Bosh shouldered much of the scoring tonight, Jason Kapono played like he had a big dick too. Kapono finished with 15 points on 6-of-8 shooting, including 3-for-4 from three-point territory and hit two key three-pointers down the stretch.

"I wanted to see how fast the fat people in the stands could move, so I just started hitting three-pointers," Kapono said. "Sure enough, a few go down and they were waddling towards the exits, I guess a few of them had tickets to the ball game next door."

Likely. Everyone with a ticket to tonight's resumption of Game 5 of the World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays got into the 76ers season-opener for half price. There were many Phillies hats and jersey dotting the Wachovia Center, and at halftime a live stingray was mutilated by arena staff at centre court. 

When asked who he wanted to win the World Series, Kapono stated:

"Well, everything about Florida is pretty much fucked, so I'm kind of pulling for them, like a pity thing. Like when a really good looking girl will let you look up her skirt at the bus stop, cause she feels sorry for you. And it's Devil Rays, not Rays. That's like taking the Christ out of Christmas if you ask me."

Bargnani, who is on thin ice, went scoreless in 20 minutes of action.

"I'm not very good," he admitted after the game.

Jose Calderon had 13 points and 7 assists, while Jermaine O'Neal had a solid Raptors debut with 17 points and 8 rebounds.

Toronto led by as many as 14 in the second half and maintained a steady lead throughout most of the 4th quarter.

The Raptors return home for Friday's home-opener against the Golden State Warriors, where the flag of California will be burned between each quarter. The Raptors announced last week that various state flags of visiting teams will be destroyed from time to time in public displays of aggression.

"They want to appear more anti-American," an unidentified front-office source told Raptorstruth.com on the condition anonymity. "Week by week, more provocative acts of anti-Americanism will be seen, the intention is to have it culminate around playoff time ... the NBA head office is not too pleased."

NOTES: Kapono was issued a technical foul in the third quarter after letting Raptors coach Sam Mitchell sniff his fingers after he hit a three-pointer. ...The Phillies defeated the Rays 4-3 to win the World Series 4-1. ...Republican presidential nominee John McCain, with six days to go before the election, still can't lift his arms above his shoulders. 

END DISPATCH

T(sn)2 - Judgment Day

Are you shitting me? This, and a number of other articles outline the complete mindfuck that is the broadcast schedule of Raptors games. 25 games on TSN2? 

Essentially, a bunch of people in Toronto will not be able to watch one third of the games on TV this year, if Rogers or TSN or MLSE (and probably a bunch of other assholes) don't get their shit together.

Doug Smith:

All 82 Raptor games will be broadcast on television this season but if the schedule began today, cable viewers in the team's home market would miss almost a third of the games.

TSN2, the new secondary network operated by TSN, is scheduled to show 25 games but the network is not currently available on the Rogers cable system, which services the Greater Toronto Area.

So now, not only are most tickets completely overpriced, but now a lot of us won't be able to watch one third of the games on television? Talk about alienating your fan base.

Really then, what we have here is 25 games on TSN2; 20 games on the Score; 12 games on CBC; and the rest on regular old TSN? That's right. The Raptors are the child from a dysfunctional home that stays half the week with mom, then the other half with with dad, and then the weekends at grandma's. A latchkey team. 

A quick look at the each team's schedule shows that no other team has this kind of bullshit broadcasting schedule where games are spread out over so many different networks. And I'm also positive that most other NBA cities don't have to fucking upgrade to a new tier of cable just so they don't miss 25 games.   

Hopefully they straighten this shit out and Teddy Rogers at least gives us the option of subscribing to the fucking channel if we want to. But then again, if it equals more Rod Black on my TV, then I may have to reconsider that wish. Also, subscribing to more cable channels? Not exactly the most financially responsible decision in a global fucking recession.

Doug Smith also reports here that:

The major broadcast partner of the Raptors and the largest cable provider in the Toronto area have until the ninth game of the NBA regular season to work out a deal that will allow viewers in the team's home market to see all the games

They'll probably come to a deal, because cash rules everything around these greedy pigs. But if not, maybe I'll just cancel my cable, and listen to all of the games on the radio like it's fucking 1933.

Dear Joey

Dear Joey,

This article prompted me to write you a little note. It's titled "Clean Slate for Raptors Joey Graham". Here's an excerpt:

Few Raptors have been as confounding or perplexing as Joey Graham, he of the athletic gifts many NBA players would die for. He of an inconsistent nature that drives coaches and teammates to near apoplexy.

But this is a new season, a year of new chances and Graham once again finds himself in position to win a significant Raptors role.

Forgive me Joey, but I read a headline like that and I think "Oh fuck. There goes the season. Leaning on Joey Graham in any capacity basically means that the 3 spot is fucked in Toronto, which means that there's going to be a cavalcade of shit at the SF position." Why would I think that? Well, this is Raptors Truth, and I'm about to speak some truth about why you're so shitty. So here we go:

Where the fuck to start? Let's start superficial ... how about your first name? Joey? Why Joey? It's making me angry to even type out this name. I'll be honest. I fucking hate the name Joey and because of that, I think I hate you. The name Joey should be used exclusively for teen heartthrobs or kangaroos? Which fucking one are you?

The next thing I hate about you is your utter lack of productivity and your apparent disdain for reaching your potential. Man, when you were drafted by Rob Babcock, I thought, well here's a guy that's going to get 5 dunks a game, and play some real hard ass D. Instead Joey, I haven't seen you dunk in like 2 years, and you play like you have a D up your ass. For real. Look at your numbers. Here they are:

Career Season Averages

Year		G	GS	MPG	FG%					RPG	APG	SPG	BPG	TO	PF	PPG
05-06		80	24	19.8	0.478					3.1	0.8	0.5	0.2	1.15	2.90	6.7
06-07		79	21	16.7	0.495					3.1	0.6	0.4	0.1	0.62	2.00	6.4
07-08		38	3	8.7	0.434					1.8	0.4	0.1	0.0	0.61	1.20	3.6
Career		197	48	16.4	0.480					2.8	0.6	0.4	0.0	0.83	2.20	6.0

Look at those numbers dude. I dare anyone to find one fucking encouraging thing about those numbers. I consider 5.5 ppg to be the basketball equivalent of the Mendoza Line, and dude, you're fucking dangerously close to that benchmark of shittiness. You can't even average an assist per game, which is embarassing. 3 rebounds per game is also fucked. I mean, the Superfan finds a way to get his fucking hands on the ball at least 5 times per game, and that guy has all that gold weighing down his arms. What's your excuse? And I'm not even going to bother posting your playoff numbers, because when I started to copy and paste them I fucking puked a bit in my mouth.

Next. You're a twin. I hate it. It's creepy. And the thing is, your brother "Stevie" (fuck, can we quit it already with the juvenile shortening of your names?) is eerily just as shitty as you are. And you guys aren't even the cool kind of fucking twins. You know, where you're different. No. You guys are the shitty kind of creepy twins that dress the same and do the same shit. Like I can understand that you went to the same highschool, but the same college? And then you transferred to the same college after 2 years? And got the same degrees (in Aviation Management = stewardess?). Fuck guys, cut the fucking cord already. It's creepy, and I don't like it. Can't you be more like DeVito and Schwarzenegger? Instead you're like the Olsen twins. Only shittier at basketball.

Ok. I know I'm piling on a bit here. But it's only out of love. I mean, I had really high hopes for you man. But then shitty baseline drive, followed by shitty turnover, followed by terribly awkward jump shot, over and over again, have really broken my will to accept you as a member of the team. So that's that. If I was pulling the strings, you'd have already been gone. I would have basically said, take your aviation management degree and fly your ass the fuck out of town. But perhaps BC sees something that I don't (or maybe he just can't unload your ass on anyone and he needs a warm body on the bench?) Regardless though, I hope you prove me wrong, and have a breakout year. If that's the case, then I will step up like a man and I admit that I was wrong. (But I seriously doubt that you're all of a sudden going to find your mojo).

So best of luck Joey. And tell Stevie I said fuck off too.


And as will be my regular practice when reviewing players, I give you one weird Chuck Swirsky toupee head out of five (Note: If i could have cut Swirsky's head in half, you would have gotten a half.)

(Edit: Saturday, October 18, 11:05p.m.)

Here's a link to a (basically recycled) article by Michael Grange about your "potential" and how this might be the year that you reach it. For the sake of the team, and mostly my own fucking sanity, I hope that you fucking hurry up and reach your potential. Honestly, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of reading articles about it man. Remember this one from June 22, 2007? You know, right after you shit the bed in the playoffs? So let's go Joe. Get your shit together, hit some jumpers, play some D and reach your potential kid. Because this has to be the last year that hacky Toronto sportwriters can possibly squeeze out another half-hearted article about how this might finally be your year. Fucking homers.    

Preseason impressions

I just caught the past two preseason games against Philly and CSKA Moscow on RapsTV. As with most pre-season games, the games were pretty sloppy. Aside from the sloppiness the starters looked pretty good. Jermaine looks like a good fit, he'll grab a ton of boards and open up some room for Bosh if he can stay health.

The 2nd unit is a bit of a mixed bag. Solomon looks like he'll be handling backup PG duties, but he better not take as many shots as he has in preseason. Ukic didn't play much, but from what I seen he has potential. Kapono looked great and if Bosh and O'Neal kick out the ball and give him some looks, he could have a great season.

The there was Bargnani. Fucking Bargnani. He looks like he did last year: inconsistent as fuck. Nice pull up jumper followed by open look air ball. Solid rebound followed by stupid turnover. Etc, etc. It's frustrating as hell to watch. I guess that the bright side is that he's not starting this year.

It should be an interesting season. If everyone can stay relatively health the Raps will finish in the top half of the Eastern Conference.